It's 9 o' clock in the morning on Mother's Day Sunday. I just woke up I've already changed a blow out diaper (which got all over my bed) and fed my daughter. 2 years ago I thought I never wanted kids. I thought having kids meant being a slave for the rest of eternity. I seriously couldn't figure out why on Earth people would want that. Spending 24hrs a day being what I thought was tortured.
Even though my mother told me otherwise, I thought being a mom just meant constantly feeding, changing diapers, cleaning up after all your kid's messes and trying to get them to stop fighting or to take naps. When we were surprisingly blessed with Ellyse I was taught much more than that. If you don't have children and want to know how it really is, at least for me, then I will tell you right now. It is the hardest job you will have ever have. It is, however, the MOST rewarding. There is no such thing as a "day off". But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Being a mother has taught me to be a better person. The way I used to think and behave is not even CLOSE to how I think and behave now. I no longer say or do anything that would make my daughter feel anything but proud of me. I have given up a lot of things that are superficial and that honestly, do not matter at all in the scheme of things. Like shopping 3 times a week, a fancy car, and meaningless free time. I'm stronger in more ways imaginable. I gave birth to a 9lb baby naturally. I didn't do it for anyone other than myself. I can literally say and believe that I can do anything that seems difficult or impossible. I have a deeper appreciation for Christ and what he went through to save us all. I have a deeper appreciation for our Heavenly Father and all His little miracles that I was oblivious to before. I thank Him multiple times a day for allowing me to be a mother. I have learned and felt a love and joy that many mothers know but none of us can describe. I feel a new sense of worth and purpose. I now have something worth living for and fighting for. I am learning more than I can teach. I've grown and continue to grow on a daily basis. I used to be a taker, but all I want to do now is give as much as I possibly can, anything and everything that I have. I find extreme joy in watching my daughter grow and learn. Her first smile, her first laugh, the first time she reached for me, the first time she ate rice cereal, the first time she sat up, the first time she crawled, her first tooth; it all has a more prominent memory in my brain than any other pleasant thing that has ever happened in my life. It's a meaningful joy, not the kind that lasts for a moment.
In this life we all are working for something. We all have our reasons to live. But I have found in my own life that there is nothing that I would rather work for or live for than for my daughter. I do a lot for her, but I owe her for changing my life, for giving it meaning. I love being a Mother.
To my own Mother: You were right. And I love you.
Happy Mother's Day.
